The System 403: Paunch Patrol
I’d like to dedicate to the person I was talking to while I was writing this, but he might get the wrong idea about it. Did I mention I submitted today’s Hello With Cheese joke? Just sayin’.
And just to point out, this comic is not about being overweight (though the U.S. is getting fatter), it is about guys with a gut and their options. With the right pants, you can easily be fine. But for some reason, especially older men who wear suspenders with belts and hang out at every rest stop on I-95, they are instead hit with the gut dilemma. At some point they must have made a crucial decision, like Picard getting stabbed by a Naussican. They had to decide whether to:
- Getting new pants. But that would mean admitting defeat, or maybe pants cost too much. I’m not sure but not many people appear to have taken this option.
- Let the gut hang over the pants. Therefore allowing for seemingly smaller “waist size” in pants and keeping the pants under the gut at all times (allowing for easier slippage.)
- Bring the gut over the pants. Fred Mertz. The pants are slowly eating him I swear.
I once had a guy tell me that letting a gut hang over your pants can actually cause intestinal issues. I don’t want to look it up but I’ll believe it. I’m gonna go eat a salad.
Stay tuned, the “Venn F-cking diagrams” shirt is coming, along with an Otakon writeup.
August 6th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Same here. I've also been having lots of stomach issues lately. I try to lose weight but, yeah. Easier said than done.
August 6th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Darwinism at it's best.
August 7th, 2010 at 12:41 am
you wouldnt dedicate it to the girl who introduced to you "the pants that ate fred mertz"? http://adland.tv/commercials/tv-land-pants-ate-fr…
August 7th, 2010 at 1:12 am
Sorry to hit so close to home, guys. Remember, properly fitting clothes is all it takes. Or a gym membership. I'd do a cost/benefit analysis.
August 7th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
I wouldn't dare touch the inspiration for this column w/a ten ft. pole. I don't want to know, ever!!
I definitely vote for: better fitting pants/gym membership/salads (salads are fine if you don't kill it w/dressing and other salad bar goodies–kinda defeats the purpose of a salad). I like the cost benefit analysis but depending on the number of pants a guy buys and where he buys them, it becomes questionable.
On the other hand, he would certainly garnish more complements (assuming he has a significant other). And if he becomes as svelt as say, Dustin Hoffman/Patrick Stewart/Pierce Brosnan, well need I say how females would act? (Yes I do know that using those examples dates me, but hey, they are older guys who look good.)
In my search for validation of statements: "letting a gut hang over your pants can actually cause intestinal issues", I couldn't find anything to support that. And, I have to say that the articles I did find have completely ruled out having a snack.
August 8th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
I have 5 fingers. That is all
August 9th, 2010 at 11:15 am
Wow yeah, this is getting to be topical for people our age. Aaaauuuughhh!
August 10th, 2010 at 1:43 am
Speaking of nothing related, PLEASE tell me there's an Error 404 related comic planned for the next one? I think I'd cry if it wasn't. An opportunity like that shouldn't ever be wasted.